Turning Over a New Pot Leaf
by Failure Turtle
Summary: Being traded from RAW to SmackDown brings out the worst in everybody. Heel PunkxOCxKendrick
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: In kayfabe? Yesssss.**

"That is not possible."

CM Punk's hands balled into fists. How could they do this to him after all he had done? He and Kofi Kingston had taken the tag team belts off of those priceless brats. He had won Money in the Bank and used it to take the World Heavyweight Championship away from that hoodlum, Edge. Wasn't that enough? Sure, he wasn't the massive steamroller that John Cena was, but maybe that was a good thing. And he did have his fair share of haters, but…

RAW was the A-show.

"Yes, it's very possible and it _is_ happening, whether you like it or not, Punk," Stephanie McMahon reiterated, sending all of Punk's dreams down in smoke.

"I can't go to SmackDown. RAW is my home. God, Steph, I'm homeless! You're the reason that America is going down in shambles!" Punk ranted, punching his open hand with a fist.

The GM of RAW rolled her eyes at Punk's outburst. "And this is exactly why you're going to SmackDown. Times change, Punk. Think of it as…As new competition. More ass to kick, if you catch my drift. Besides, I think Edge has some unfinished business with you."

A growl escaped Punk's throat as he stood up. "Thanks, Stephanie," he grumbled sarcastically as he left the office, slamming the door on the way out.

Stephanie chuckled to herself after the door shut. She picked up the phone and looked at the speed dial list.

_1. Vince McMahon's office in Connecticut.  
2. Vince McMahon's business phone  
3. Teddy Long's office  
4. Vickie Guerrero's office_

Steph smiled as her French manicured nail pressed down on button number four.

"Hello?" Vickie answered.

"Vickie, it's Stephanie. Punk has just been notified of the switch. He is not happy about it, but he should be able to fit in nicely with the SmackDown Superstars. But then again, maybe not."

Vickie smiled on the other side of the line. For him to not fit in was exactly the plan. "Thank you, Stephan—Ugh, hold on." Vickie held her hand over the receiver. "Chavo? Excuse me! I am on the phone!" Vickie cleared her throat before returning to her conversation with Stephanie. "Ahem, I'm sorry. Chavo and Edge were having an argument. As I was saying, thank you for our acquisition of CM Punk. Were you really that desperate to get rid of him?"

"Something like that…"

* * *

"Really, now, ladies, all of your attention is appreciated. I assure you that much. But honestly? My nuts need room to breathe, and I can't really do it when you're all up in my grill like this. Right, Zeke?" The Brian Kendrick said, looking up at his advisor and part time tag team partner.

"Yep," Ezekiel nodded, keeping everything he said short and sweet.

"Yeah, right, Brian," Natalya muttered. "I was just going to ask you where the inspiration for your jacket came from."

"And we thought that Maria had bad taste in wardrobe…" Natalya's friend and SmackDown's newest Diva, Cara, muttered.

"Excuse me, hun? Did you have something to say?" Kendrick asked, to which Cara had no response. "That's what I thought," Kendrick continued. "Oh, and babe? It's _The_ Brian Kendrick to you. None of that Brian crap. I ditched London for a _reason_. I look better, I wrestle better, I speak better, and I'm just plain better. So how about you treat me like it. Thanks, lady."

Natalya had to hold back laughter as The Brian Kendrick danced, _danced_, past the two women with Ezekiel in tow.

"Is he the nutcase you told me about?" Cara asked, pulling her blonde hair into a ponytail.

"Define nutcase," Natalya said.

Cara watched as Brian "gracefully" paraded around the hallway. "But you have to admit, he's kind of cute…in a way…a little bit."

"Yeah, if you think that Kurt Cobain is a hottie," Natalya retorted.

"But I do…"

* * *

"Look, Vicks, I don't _need_ to be here. And if by bringing me here, you expect to extract some great feat of revenge for your husband, think again. I am not easily fooled like_you_ are," Punk growled, his fists pressing onto the top of Vickie's desk as he leaned over and stared into her eyes.

"Are you done now?" Vickie asked, not fazed by Punk's outburst and sudden change of character.

"Not until you're scared."

"Punk, I'm married to Edge. Nothing much scares me anymore," Vickie stated. Vickie scribbled something down on a piece of paper, ripped it out of her notebook, and handed it to Punk. "Here's your match to welcome you to SmackDown. I suggest you go and meet your tag team partner."

"The Brian Kendrick?" Punk asked, looking at the paper. "You're aware that he and I probably won't get along, right? I'm like…a good guy, Vickie. I'm like your antichrist."

"Not since you came here. Stephanie McMahon has told me herself that you've become a bit angry since hearing about your move. Take that anger out on the Colons. It'll do us all some good."

"But it's _Kendrick_! That kid is like thirteen and comes up to about my knee," Punk complained, holding a hand at knee height to better illustrate to Vickie just _why_ he couldn't tag up with Kendrick. "And he smells! He smells like weed! I'll get high just standing next to him!"

"Oh, that's right…You're 'straightedge' or whatever. Well, at least it'll make for a diverse tag team. Well, what are you still doing here? Go out and find him!"

"Hag," Punk said under his breath as he left the office.

"Excuse me?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm so frustrated with the readers on this site, it isn't even funny. I'm apologizing in advance to you, Cara. Thank you for listening to my angry rants on AIM lol.**

"I can't believe they're making me tag team with _you_," The Brian Kendrick muttered, leaning up against the wall. They were waiting for Cara and Natalya's match against the Bella Twins to finish before he could go on.

Punk stood there with his arms crossed, facing the unlikely duo of The Brian Kendrick and Ezekiel Jackson. "You're kidding me, right? You could have easily fought against Vickie's idea to team us up. And if I remember correctly, she forced _me_ to work with _you_. I had no say in the matter."

"But if I guessed correctly, which I'm sure I must have since you just told me this yourself," Kendrick started, opening the left side of his jacket and reaching into the inside pocket, "I was not in the office with you. How the hell could I argue against her if I wasn't there? God, Punk, your theory of relativity is so off right now."

"Don't you even know what the theory of relativity actually is?" Punk asked, shaking his head.

"Yep. Relatively, you're a jackass. Theory confirmed." Kendrick opened up the plastic bag he had taken out of his jacket pocket. "Zeke, could you hand me ol' Lucky?" Kendrick asked, opening out his palm that was dwarfed by Ezekiel's hand.

"Sure." Big Zeke reached into the pocket of his giant white coat and extracted a blue glass pipe. He handed it to Kendrick and resumed his bouncer like stance.

"Are you seriously going to light one up right here in front of everybody?" Punk asked, looking around at all of the backstage workers around them.

"Yep," Kendrick nodded, packing some weed into the pipe.

"You do know that I'm straightedge, right?"

"Yep." Kendrick raised his leg up, bending his knee to rest his boot clad foot against the wall. "So, what's your strategy to take on those Colons tonight? I'm not really in the mood for a heavy brawl. I was thinking that you could take most of the fight tonight. Don't want to break a nail or anything."

Punk turned around and placed his head in his hands. Was this guy seriously about to smoke right here in the open with everyone watching? With his eyes still covered, he turned back around and walked to his previous location to go over a _real_ strategy with Brian. "Okay, dude—AHH!" Punk had walked right into Kendrick's smoke cloud he had just blown out of his mouth.

"What? Like you didn't know what I was doing?" Kendrick rolled his eyes and inhaled from the pipe once more, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. "Fuck, that's some good shit. I owe Orton _big time_."

"You're not afraid of the fines? What if you get caught?"

Kendrick shrugged nonchalantly as he took the glass piece away from his lips. "Like that's ever stopped me before? Haven't you heard? I've been fined twelve times. Twelve. I just pay it every time just so I can do it again. How else do you think I dance like that down to the ring? I wouldn't do that if I _wasn't_ completely blazed out of my fucking mind."

"_Twelve_? Are you insane? Then if you get caught again, that's a thirteen thousand dollar pipe you're smoking. I should just walk out on you right now. I can't tag up with a drugged up douchebag. You need to stop this," Punk said, reaching out and grabbing the air around Kendrick's hand, trying to get the pipe away from the smaller man.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Brian said, his quickness playing to his advantage.

"And why not?" Punk angrily growled, eyeing Ezekiel, who hadn't moved at all.

"Because this is why!" Brian yelled, dumping the contents of the pipe all over Punk's shirt.

"UGH!" Punk grunted, trying to wipe away as much of the drugs as he could. This was _exactly_ why he didn't want to be Kendrick's partner. Not so much the fact that he was a smaller wrestler who didn't have a good reputation, but the drugs were a big issue.

And CM Punk was currently doused in that issue.

He quickly peeled his shirt off over his head, carelessly tossing it aside.

"EW!" a female voice screeched.

The heads of all three men snapped to the curtain, where Natalya and Cara had just walked through. Punk's shirt was on Cara's face, and she tried getting it away from her.

Natalya looked at the scene around her. A half naked guy covered with piercings and tattoos, a short blonde guy who looked severely underage and wearing a horrible jacket, a big guy who was just standing there, and a girl screaming in horror. "Good god, I feel like I just walked into a really bad gay porn movie."

"Ew, this shirt fucking smells like weed!" Cara said when she finally got the shirt off of her. She looked at it and saw the straightedge fists logo of CM Punk emblazoned on the shirt. "Really? I _knew_ it had to be an act!"

"It is not an act! You don't even know what you're talking about!" Punk screamed, ripping the shirt out of Cara's hands.

"You sound really defensive, Punk," Natalya noted. She knew it wasn't a joke, but it was fun egging him on. "Maybe your edge isn't as straight as we thought."

"Ladies, ladies," Kendrick interrupted, placing the pipe in the pocket of his obnoxious red jacket. "You two vixens aren't going to snitch on us, are you? What would the WWE be without The Brian Kendrick?"

"Did you fall down the rabbit hole or something? Or did it puke you back up?" Natalya asked.

The Bella twins, bruised and battered, walked past the five others by the gorilla position.

"Oh, look, it's—Ow! Their sparkles are making my eyes go nuts!" Kendrick exclaimed, trying to make fun of the Bellas but failing epically.

Natalya shuddered. "Those two girls make me ashamed to be on this brand, I swear." She shook her head and waited for the twins to be out of sight. "Come on, Cara, let's leave Smoky the Bear and his two protégés alone. Cara? HEY YOU!" Natalya sharply smacked her friend in the arm, who was transfixed with studying the tattoos on CM Punk's arms.

"Oh, okay," Cara sighed, removing her eyes from his body. "Sorry, Punk."

"Whatever," Punk mumbled, completely blowing her off.

"Is he always like that?" Cara asked, her head turned to the side so she could see Punk in her peripheral vision.

"Kendrick? Yeah, he's always stoned out of his skull."

"No, the other one."

"Punk? No…This is the first time I've seen him like a complete asshole. Kids really dig the straightedge thing, I guess," Natalya explained.

"Oh…" Cara sighed, disheartened. "He would be perfect if he were a jerk."

"Your reasoning sucks."


End file.
